Not Everyone Likes Chocolate

As the Relationship Expert going through a divorce, I was about to become my own muse. Or at least my own guinea pig (although muse sounds so much cooler). So with no attachment and nothing to lose, I began my “research”. I decided I would own who I am, and people could take it leave it, but my days of losing myself in an effort to accomodate others were over. This was my chance to take ego out of it. “You’re not a good fit for everyone”, I would remind myself. “You’re not supposed to be. Not everyone likes chocolate. That doesn’t make chocolate bad”. Wait, huh?! Did she say, not everybody likes chocolate?

This was one of the most valuable lessons I had ever learned. And while it all began with dating, it’s applicable in EVERY area of life. No longer willing to pretend to know sports, love to cook, or enjoy working-out, I was ready to authentically represent myself in all my flawed and fabulous glory. This new ability was accessed somewhat by accident at first. I was newly single after 16 years of marriage and just too distracted and busy to learn the game.

Now, that doesn’t mean I didn’t have concerns. Oh, I had concerns. What if I’ve lost my retail value and been downgraded to resell? What if people just aren’t looking for what I’m pitching? What are people looking for anyway? And what am I pitching? The questions swirled in my head like a cyclone. I was a losing confidence altitude faster than I could recover. “Wait! I can do this. I can give up trying to win everyone over in favor of owning who I am and accepting that it’s not going to blow everyone’s hair back”.

So with a minor shift in priority, I was able to present myself to the world as unabashedly real! And it turns out…that’s kinda hot. Or at least refreshing and worse case, it’s living authentically and that’s worth everything! Think it’s worth trying on? I invite you to shed the need to look good in favor of bearing who you really are. I suspect what you’ll find is that people fall in love with your vulnerability. And sometimes, it even gives them permission to be real! Authenticity is contagious…go spread it around some.

There’s Always a Train Headed to Crazy Town

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself it’s that no matter how “evolved” I become, how “transformed” I believe I am, how “stable” my predominant thoughts are, there is always a train heading to Crazy Town. We will always have the opportunity to listen to the voice that says that we’re not good enough, not worthy, not capable. It can show up in many different ways, as insecurity, as jealousy, as fear. And every time we buy in to some version of this self-doubt, we are jumping on the train and heading for Crazy Town.

The good news is, once we understand that there’s always a train coming, it isn’t quite so personal. Just a fixed schedule. There is tremendous power in recognizing that just because it’s rolling by, doesn’t mean we have to hop on. And so we resist boarding, in favor of staying grounded and plugged in to our greatness. Right on.

However, count on this…there really is always another train coming. And sometimes we won’t resist. We’ll buy the ticket and take the ride. That’s okay, we’ve all done it. But now the goal becomes choosing to stay on the train. Just because you’ve boarded doesn’t mean you have to get off in Crazy Town. You can pass right through and come on home! And sometimes you will. Way to go.

But then there are those times when we do get off. This is when it’s important to declare that you’re just a tourist. Take a look around, buy a postcard and then head back. Don’t shop for real estate, don’t run for office, don’t stay any longer than you need to. Come back to your power and know that you’ll soon have a fresh new chance to not board the next one. Because there’s always a train heading to Crazy Town.

Bare Ass Naked Truth

Are you that real?  Are you, really?  If you had asked me a couple years ago, I’d have told you I was honest.  That I operated with integrity and spoke the truth.  And I did.  Well, mostly.  I guess sometimes that piece of truth that was really uncomfortable “accidentally” got left out.  The short story, if you will.  I wasn’t lying, but I wasn’t bare ass naked.

Bare ass naked truth is an advanced place of truth.  It’s about owning the what is.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  And then finding self acceptance in the underbelly of your secret, private ick.  Standing, exposed and naked under the florescent lights and unabashedly declaring, “This is me!”.  It’s scary!  Yes.  And it is fabulous, too!  When you can create the space for that degree of honesty and love for yourself, you can begin to bring that into your relationship and arrive at a whole new level of connection.

It can very liberating to discover that authenticity and acceptance are available to you.  And better yet, at the same time!  However, you must know that  BANT requires permission and comes with a warning label.  “Trying this at home without mutual consent and agreement can lead to injury“. Truth is, not everyone wants, or is capable of such a thing.  It is imperative that it be embraced by both parties in order to truly contribute to the relationship.

So, are you ready to take it on?  Does it excite you?  Scare you?  Intrigue you?  How bare ass naked are you really willing to be?

Too Sexy For Primetime, Baby!

Remember the song “I’m Too Sexy”? You know the one, “I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts”…

Well, I never thought I’d say these words, but it’s official. I truly understand the burden of being too sexy…TOO SEXY FOR PRIMETIME, that is! We had our inaugural show last week and we were just too hot for 5 o’clock, so we’re movin on up. The Sex & Intimacy Show will now air live on Thursday’s at 10pm Mountain (9pm PDT/Midnight EDT).

Still Two Ways to Tune In…

1. The show will broadcast live on the Mile High Sports network in Denver Colorado *AM 1510* at 10pm Mountain Time.

OR

2. Listeners from across the country and around the world can tune in live at 9pm PDT/midnight EDT on www.MileHighSports.com or click on the “listen here” link from our site http://SexAndIntimacyShow.com

Clearly The Sex & Intimacy Show is still the edgy, fun and informative show where no question is off limits and no topic is taboo. Learn how to create sizzling sex and healthy relationships for a lifetime as Dr. Neil and I provide an honest, entertaining and engaging approach to everybody’s favorite subject. The show is sex positive, relevant, and always full of humor and heart.

Want to be on the Show?

Call our toll free number and get your most important questions answered. 888.817.1510

The Sex & Intimacy Show * http://SexAndIntimacyShow.com * Check us out!

But My Ex Never Had a Second Cup of Sex at My Place

I was recently asked, “Why is it that my Ex, who was never very affectionate or adventurous in bed, has a new openness about sex she never had before?”  Good question.  While I don’t claim to have all the answers, I do believe I’ve got this one covered.  One of the most common pitfalls in a long term relationship is that we can get boxed in to a particular role or sterotype.  We sometimes get stuck in the interpretations of others.  So much so, that it becomes our truth as well.  If our partner sees us as “frigid” or “boring in the bedroom”, it becomes very difficult to change.  We live into that perception.  In order to change the pattern, we’ll have to change the perception, too.  Even if we really want to, it’s hard to make that shift when we have already been summed up and labelled.  Without the support of our partner it’s seemingly impossible.  If a real change is to occur, it will require some effort from both of you.  So back to answering the original question…while there may be many variables to ponder, I believe one consistent factor is that when we are with someone new, we have an opportunity to recreate ourselves and a bigger space to grow into.  Certain fish will grow to the size of their tank.  We’re not that different.  How big is your tank?  Or the tank you put your partner in?

The Changing of the Guard

It’s interesting, isn’t it, how things are always changing, shifting, and growing…and rarely in predictable ways. So, my strategy has always been to see change as A: inevitable (it makes me less likely to resist) and B: an opportunity to powerfully create something even more satisfying and fulfilling (hmmmm, kind of exciting).

 

So with the changing of the seasons, I invite you to take a look at what changes you’d like to incorporate into your life. And if it’s in the

area of relationships, what new, exciting practices do you want to bring to the table?  Well, here’s a thought…how about Honesty and

Communication. Two examples of things we could almost always improve upon.  I’m not suggesting that we don’t have this in our present relationships, it’s just that there are layers and levels of each. It may be time to peel back some layers in order to take it to the next level. And you just may be surprised to find what an aphrodisiac honesty and communication can be.

 

So like a game, I invite you to let down your guard. Share something truthful and vulnerable about yourself (your thoughts, your feelings, your preferences) with your partner. See how disclosure can make you feel closer.

 

The Power of Loving Yourself

No, I’m not talking about that!  Although, that can be powerful too. I’m talking about loving the essence of who you are. You at your best…or not. Sure, we can (and will) always evolve and strive to be better. And that’s important, too. But how about loving the whole package, right now? Not when you’re more patient. Not when you lose 20 pounds. Not “someday”. But right now!  It’s not about loving the good and ignoring the rest, but rather loving all the parts that make up who you are. If we are all here to learn anyway, maybe it’s okay that we don’t always have all the answers. Maybe fumbling through is part of the adventure. So why are we so quick to hide our flaws and cover up our issues? It’s not like anyone here is perfect. Just another soul muddling through, trying to figure it all out.

I can’t stop wondering how many of my own mistakes, failures and life lessons were overshadowed by my commitment to keep them on the down low.  And how powerful it could be if I were to funnel my energy into allowing those “opportunities” to contribute to me, rather than embarrass me. Maybe the most honest way to improve our relationships is to begin with our self. Isn’t it time to own who you are, the great, the not so great, and all the stuff in between? When we can learn to accept our own imperfections, then maybe we can be more accepting of others, including our partners. 

“Be forgiving of your own evolution.”   ~Gandhi

A Valentine Thought to Ponder…

With Valentine’s Day (Saturday, Feb 14th) just around the bend, now is as good a time as any to check in and evaluate your relationship. Some of us do this regularly, while others avoid it like the plague, opting for the ole “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” theory.  Truth is…it’s all just an opportunity for growth and ultimately more closeness and connection.  So which one do you choose?  It usually comes down to this, do you want to grow your patnership into an extarordinary relationship, or are you satisfied keeping it as is?  There is no “right answer” in this, only choice.

If you choose Door #1, good for you.  This is, after all your most significant relationship.  If you choose door #2, that’s okay, but forfeit your right to complain about your partner and your relationship.  Choose it as is and embrace it.  This V-Day, I invite you to celebrate a soulful connection rooted in adoration, appreciation and respect.  Vow to never celebrate it as just another “Hallmark holiday”, but
rather an opportunity to recognize just how lucky you are to have each other and how best to express and maintain that gratitude.

I have a special offer to help you celebrate this holiday of love and to support your commitment to creating the most amazing relationship possible.  Sign up for my Personal Power coaching, or Relationship coaching and receive a Hypnosis Cd of your choice as a special gift.  See your Cd options at http://www.hypnotica-love.com/?page=webstore

Still not convinced? How about laser coaching @ $1 per minute?  To find out more about laser coaching, comment on this post or call 303.475.4806 and take advantage of this Valentine’s Day Special.

Sex Starts in the Kitchen

No, this is not a “how-to” for sexy cooking enthusiasts.  It is however, something important to consider.  I first heard the phrase, “sex starts in the kitchen” from my co-host on The Sex & Intimacy Show and world class Sex Therapist, Dr. Neil Cannon.  The point he was making is that sex starts long before you get to the bedroom and the sooner we acknowledge this truth, the sooner we are likely to see positive results.  Sex is a process with a beginning, a middle and an end.  Foreplay, as we know it, is somewhere in the middle.  The beginning is more about attention…”How was your day”…”Can I get you anything”…”Go relax, I’ll do the dishes”…now THAT is sexy!  Ok, maybe not on paper.  But sometimes for your partner, it’s the difference between opening up and being receptive or not.  Don’t just take my word for it, try it yourself!

I’m Baaaack…

And I’m feeling GOOD! I’ve been off the blog for a bit, but now I’m all in. And I’m so excited to have the chance to WOW you with my words of wisdom, or at least give you pause for thought and hopefully a little smirk or two.

I’ve been tying up loose ends, and lots of them. My blog hiatus was solely about being present to my own experiences so I could continue to grow and learn. And that, I have done. Infact, I now consider myself an evolving relationship expert. Even better. Lucky for all of us. And it turns out the recipe includes large amounts of change. But wait, come back, don’t run. Change is your friend. It is inevitable. It is powerful. It is liberating. And it is going to happen anyway, so the sooner you quit resisting and start embracing the sooner you can cross over to a life that blows your hair back.

That’s not to say that anything is wrong with the way it is now. Infact, maybe this is the most fulfilled you have ever been. Your relationship is thriving, you’ve never felt more connected to your partner, the sex couldn’t be better, and you wake up every morning thrilled to be you. If that is so…God bless you. But change is still just around the corner. So leverage it to work for you. Discover where you may be settling and commit to making an empowered change. It’s not bad…maybe even better than most…but it’s what you got, instead of what you want.

Well guess what? This isn’t your practice life. So start playing full out. Right now. Find the areas that warrant a shift and make it happen. It can be big or small, just as long as it’s true to you. And recreate it so that you are excited, inspired and truly happy. Because you deserve to be truly happy. We all do. Did you get that? You deserve it! And it’s yours for the taking if your willing to step outside your comfort zone. Remember when you are inspired, you’re relationship evolves.