05.01.09
But My Ex Never Had a Second Cup of Sex at My Place
I was recently asked, “Why is it that my Ex, who was never very affectionate or adventurous in bed, has a new openness about sex she never had before?” Good question. While I don’t claim to have all the answers, I do believe I’ve got this one covered. One of the most common pitfalls in a long term relationship is that we can get boxed in to a particular role or sterotype. We sometimes get stuck in the interpretations of others. So much so, that it becomes our truth as well. If our partner sees us as “frigid” or “boring in the bedroom”, it becomes very difficult to change. We live into that perception. In order to change the pattern, we’ll have to change the perception, too. Even if we really want to, it’s hard to make that shift when we have already been summed up and labelled. Without the support of our partner it’s seemingly impossible. If a real change is to occur, it will require some effort from both of you. So back to answering the original question…while there may be many variables to ponder, I believe one consistent factor is that when we are with someone new, we have an opportunity to recreate ourselves and a bigger space to grow into. Certain fish will grow to the size of their tank. We’re not that different. How big is your tank? Or the tank you put your partner in?
03.27.09
The Changing of the Guard
02.13.09
The Power of Loving Yourself
No, I’m not talking about that! Although, that can be powerful too. I’m talking about loving the essence of who you are. You at your best…or not. Sure, we can (and will) always evolve and strive to be better. And that’s important, too. But how about loving the whole package, right now? Not when you’re more patient. Not when you lose 20 pounds. Not “someday”. But right now! It’s not about loving the good and ignoring the rest, but rather loving all the parts that make up who you are. If we are all here to learn anyway, maybe it’s okay that we don’t always have all the answers. Maybe fumbling through is part of the adventure. So why are we so quick to hide our flaws and cover up our issues? It’s not like anyone here is perfect. Just another soul muddling through, trying to figure it all out.
I can’t stop wondering how many of my own mistakes, failures and life lessons were overshadowed by my commitment to keep them on the down low. And how powerful it could be if I were to funnel my energy into allowing those “opportunities” to contribute to me, rather than embarrass me. Maybe the most honest way to improve our relationships is to begin with our self. Isn’t it time to own who you are, the great, the not so great, and all the stuff in between? When we can learn to accept our own imperfections, then maybe we can be more accepting of others, including our partners.
“Be forgiving of your own evolution.” ~Gandhi
02.06.09
A Valentine Thought to Ponder…
With Valentine’s Day (Saturday, Feb 14th) just around the bend, now is as good a time as any to check in and evaluate your relationship. Some of us do this regularly, while others avoid it like the plague, opting for the ole “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” theory. Truth is…it’s all just an opportunity for growth and ultimately more closeness and connection. So which one do you choose? It usually comes down to this, do you want to grow your patnership into an extarordinary relationship, or are you satisfied keeping it as is? There is no “right answer” in this, only choice.
If you choose Door #1, good for you. This is, after all your most significant relationship. If you choose door #2, that’s okay, but forfeit your right to complain about your partner and your relationship. Choose it as is and embrace it. This V-Day, I invite you to celebrate a soulful connection rooted in adoration, appreciation and respect. Vow to never celebrate it as just another “Hallmark holiday”, but
rather an opportunity to recognize just how lucky you are to have each other and how best to express and maintain that gratitude.
I have a special offer to help you celebrate this holiday of love and to support your commitment to creating the most amazing relationship possible. Sign up for my Personal Power coaching, or Relationship coaching and receive a Hypnosis Cd of your choice as a special gift. See your Cd options at http://www.hypnotica-love.com/?page=webstore
Still not convinced? How about laser coaching @ $1 per minute? To find out more about laser coaching, comment on this post or call 303.475.4806 and take advantage of this Valentine’s Day Special.
01.21.09
Sex Starts in the Kitchen
No, this is not a “how-to” for sexy cooking enthusiasts. It is however, something important to consider. I first heard the phrase, “sex starts in the kitchen” from my co-host on The Sex & Intimacy Show and world class Sex Therapist, Dr. Neil Cannon. The point he was making is that sex starts long before you get to the bedroom and the sooner we acknowledge this truth, the sooner we are likely to see positive results. Sex is a process with a beginning, a middle and an end. Foreplay, as we know it, is somewhere in the middle. The beginning is more about attention…”How was your day”…”Can I get you anything”…”Go relax, I’ll do the dishes”…now THAT is sexy! Ok, maybe not on paper. But sometimes for your partner, it’s the difference between opening up and being receptive or not. Don’t just take my word for it, try it yourself!
12.20.08
I’m Baaaack…
And I’m feeling GOOD! I’ve been off the blog for a bit, but now I’m all in. And I’m so excited to have the chance to WOW you with my words of wisdom, or at least give you pause for thought and hopefully a little smirk or two.
I’ve been tying up loose ends, and lots of them. My blog hiatus was solely about being present to my own experiences so I could continue to grow and learn. And that, I have done. Infact, I now consider myself an evolving relationship expert. Even better. Lucky for all of us. And it turns out the recipe includes large amounts of change. But wait, come back, don’t run. Change is your friend. It is inevitable. It is powerful. It is liberating. And it is going to happen anyway, so the sooner you quit resisting and start embracing the sooner you can cross over to a life that blows your hair back.
That’s not to say that anything is wrong with the way it is now. Infact, maybe this is the most fulfilled you have ever been. Your relationship is thriving, you’ve never felt more connected to your partner, the sex couldn’t be better, and you wake up every morning thrilled to be you. If that is so…God bless you. But change is still just around the corner. So leverage it to work for you. Discover where you may be settling and commit to making an empowered change. It’s not bad…maybe even better than most…but it’s what you got, instead of what you want.
Well guess what? This isn’t your practice life. So start playing full out. Right now. Find the areas that warrant a shift and make it happen. It can be big or small, just as long as it’s true to you. And recreate it so that you are excited, inspired and truly happy. Because you deserve to be truly happy. We all do. Did you get that? You deserve it! And it’s yours for the taking if your willing to step outside your comfort zone. Remember when you are inspired, you’re relationship evolves.
